We’ve long thought that popular culture confuses love for infatuation, lust and a feeling. Another strange thought about love is the implication of some kind of attribute that denotes lovable-ness when people talk about “loving the unlovables”. We see all of this both in song lyrics, “love is a feeling”, and though I can’t recall the precise song, I remember there are many with the sentiments of ‘how could I not love you when you’re so beautiful’, etc. I spent a lot of time growing up wondering whether I was lovable - I’m sure lots of people wonder the same about themselves - I had a real deal about self-esteem because of it too. All these pictures of love are nonsense, however.

I find I understand anything to do with myself much better when I look at the same thing in God. Remember this?: God doesn’t love us because we are good, He loves us because HE is good. We had nothing to “recommend us” to Him and yet because he “so loved the world” he sent his only Son… By this God teaches us that Love has nothing to do with the object that is being loved and its worthiness, but everything to do with the lover. With this comes release but also hard challenge & responsibility.

It is releasing, and if there is anything you remember from this post it should be this (and think of this in context of your marriage, family and friends): You don’t love someone because they are beautiful, you love someone because YOU are beautiful. Now the type of love is irrelevant - love’s source and reason is the same. Love is not a feeling (infatuation is a feeling - the substance of love is as hard to define as faith) Love comes from a decision. Your heart doesn’t always obey your mind, but they do heavily influence each other, and this is where the challenge and responsibility is.

You see the question I should have asked in my early years was not ‘am I lovable?’ but the same questions we should often challenge ourselves with ‘Do I love? How is my love evidenced?’, or better still, ‘am I capable of love?’ (true, sacrificial love). I’m not sure what the answer was at the time, but I do know that I wasn’t a very nice person at all. When I see someone I might consider unlovable, or a person I no longer love it is not their fault but an indictment of the state of my heart. When Jesus instructs us to ‘love one another’ it feels as though Jesus is asking for much more than we can give and, of course, he is. The answer to the state of my heart and my falling short of Jesus instruction is the same as it has always been, humble repentance and belief that God will change me.

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